18 July, 2007

One magical romance later...

Hmm, the pages-revised count is shockingly low, though—a shameful 20. And I think I need to get more specific about the things she does that he finds enchanting. Right now there's a lot of this:

No, there isn't, not for you. I started typing some in, but then I hit some sentences that really, really are too obvious and icky, so I'll have another go at them before anyone sees them.

So okay, try this. This is the man who has been enchanted into bear form, in the cottage with the mother and her two daughters:
And there was so much sensation in being the animal—the scents of these three, for instance, so much a family and yet the three so very distinct, the dark girl more savoury and the golden-haired one more honey-like and the woman the sweetest of all. I could not place what flower it was she recalled to me, or perhaps what sweetmeat, or perhaps— But the three of them, they busied and dizzied the air around, and I were continually snuffling at it, reading their flashes of mood and interest.
Dark-girl day tomorrow, and a bit more dwarf.


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